fears

I had mentioned before that I feel a bit scared about how this mission trip will go. At the moment, though, I couldn't pin-point why that was.

I took a walk today. I've never really taken walks before. I've jogged for exercise, I've sped walked to class but never have I really "taken a walk" on my own for its own sake. And know what? It's very nice. It gave me time to reflect on things and think through my day. Kinda like a live journal to God.

On my walk, I got to figure out what was bothering me about this missions. Last year, when we went to Tuba City, AZ to help out with the VBS there I experienced a lot of negative thoughts about the team and myself. I was flat out angry at people and I couldn't reconcile the reasons why specifically. Although I was very blessed in the end, in some ways I think all that junk in me hindered my ability to serve and pour out to the kids who we were there for. I'm afraid that something like that might happen again where I'm so preoccupied with how I feel that I won't be able to experience His joy fully. And I really don't want to mess this summer up. In my mind, I know that what I do/not do will not determine the outcome. Only what God wants for me to experience, right? Ahhhhhh... why am I worrying about this?!

The beginning of summer missions 2009!

Guess what?! I'm going to Korea! To live with the kids in the children's home for 2 months! how awesome and how frightening is that? I haven't found out about what home I'll be placed yet nor who my partner will be, but all is set. I even bought my plane ticket. So cool story...

The first time I tried to look into roundtrip tickets to Korea.. it was a hefty 1700! That's probably more than my whole year's rent. Then people advised me to look around. And can I tell you, I love travel agencies! You just call them and tell them what dates you want to leave/return and they just do all the research for you and usually offer you a much better price! And the best part is... they do it for free! I love travel agencies. If you need one let me know, I called like 10 of them, muhahahhaah~ So I ended up getting tickets for like 500 less! PRAAISSEEE the Lawd! Apparently, to get it for that price is "dirt cheap" said John-Michael (the person in charge of the missions). 1200 = dirt cheap (me = dry laughter).

So prayer, even a very small one, works. I felt that I hadn't nearly prayed enough but God truly provides. He's very generous that way. So logically, I should be praying for everything all the time. And that is what I hope to be doing leading up to the trip and onward. Jesus help me to pray! seriously.

foreword

so only one day after the conversation of how blogging is such a waste of time/energy and "why would you want to show your journal for everyone to see?!", I decided to blog. haha. perhaps I'm a conformist, or am I a rebel (?) or maybe I consider myself more diligent than I really am. meh~ upon reflection, once I leave this place that has become my home in all aspects, I still hope to maintain relationships that have been grounded here. relationships are all about communication, right? usually, I'm the one where the communication link ends, so i hope this will challenge me to share my life more often and, in doing so, make me curious about others. i hope i don't become a blalker (blog stalker).
but don't expect anything super personal, for that you're gonna have to put in some effort and ask me yourself :)