Building Walls

a day in the life at Namsanwon

2010-09-08T20:43:00.000-07:00

This is my attempt to show you what an ordinary day at a Children's home may be like. I've taken the perspective of what it's like to be one of the highschool girls at my home. I hope you will notice the similarities and difference between a normal child growing up with a family and one at a home. Notice the difference in freedom and the attitude that they are presented with. I guess the point is for you all to "see" more of what I saw and that your prayers for the children will become more personal. thanks for reading.

....

It’s 5:30 am and you know you have to finish your cleaning duty and wash up before going outside for the daily morning meeting outside by 6. Otherwise, Dad (the director) is going to make us go back and clean up. But you’re so tired…the girls in your room were up late last night talking. You’ve told them a few times before, but it’s no use and you’d rather not get into a fight.

The dorm mom is now coming into the room nagging us to get up. No morning hugs or kisses nor gentle words to get ready, just the ever repeated “Get up! Hurry! get up!” in an annoyed tone. No use for asking for 5 more minutes, it’s just going to get you another earful.

Now you’re outside. As always, the youngest of the kids are out first—they are still afraid of getting into trouble from their dorm moms—then the middle schooler then the high schoolers. The college kids are the last ones to finally drag themselves out of their blankets; they’re far too used to the punishments to let that get in the way of more sleep. Everyone gets into single file lines according to the suite that they sleep in. Dad takes roll-call to check if everyone is accounted for aka no one has run off in the night or sleeping in. Those caught sleeping-in or doing something that ticks off Dad have to stay in push-up positions for at least 5 minutes—no mercy. Finally, after the last bit of chastisement and morning exercises, you have to hurry down to help serve breakfast.

You line up for food with your compartmentalized tray. It’s not bad food but since you really have no choice in the menu sometimes you wish you could ask for what you want. Either way, you have to eat quickly. The morning meeting went extra long today and has cut into your getting-ready time.

You go upstairs to get dressed for school. You hope that the uniform skirt you hand washed yesterday is at least damp-dry to wear for today. But at least you have a clean shirt in your closet to wear… wait… where is it?! After searching everywhere and asking all the girls (of course they’d deny it) you’ll just have to wear the same one you wore yesterday. You just hope that they haven’t gone through any of your other stuff—nothing is really safe and the rule of “finders keepers” apply everywhere in the home. Cranky from the morning, you sign yourself out in the office and say bye to no one in particular. It’s not like anyone is waving goodbye at you at the door but it’s just become habit.

After taking the subway to school, you run through to the gates and barely make it. You sit through class paying attention to the subjects you like and sleeping through the ones you don’t care for. Sometimes you wake up to see other kids feverishly taking notes—studying is for such kids as these, not for you. Your plan is to start making money straight out of high school and get out of the home asap—forget college.

School is over and your friends ask you if they can come over to your place this time. You make up a reason why they can’t—they don’t know you’re from a children’s home and best to keep it that way. After hanging out a little with friends eating ddukbokee, you take your time coming home—nothing to really look forward to and it’ll be cleaning time soon at the home. You’re in no hurry.

When you arrive, the other girls in the suite have cleaned somewhat. You hopingly look to see if there are any leftover snacks—but you’re disappointed to find that it’s only some boiled potatoes. You contemplate going to the convenient store nearby but decide not to all you have to last you for the rest of the week is a few bucks.You change into the same shirt and pants you’ve been wearing at home for the past few years—although you live surrounded by boys of your age in the home looking good is never something that is sought after or expected.

Depending on how fast you finish the serving chore and eating, you have a little bit of free time before the office shuts off the internet for the daily study period. You hurry up to your suite to grab a seat on the computer. Someone else is on the good computer so you take the one next to it. The monitor is from circa 1990s—the ones shaped liked a box and protruding out—and the system will shut down randomly depending on its mood. After checking a few things on the web, you are pushed off by another one of the girls for taking her spot on the waitlist. You forgot to sign up in the morning so you have nothing to say and sulk off into your room. There really isn’t much to do in the room other than look over the few possessions you have for the thousandth time or lay down and sleep.

The PA comes on to announce that it’s independent study time. Honestly, no one really studies in the home but since the internet has been turned off and no one is allowed to go out, all that anyone does is fall asleep at their desk, read comic books or listen to their mp3. The dorm mom randomly pops in to make sure we are doing something productive but it’s really no use since we just go right back to doing what we were previously doing. It’s hard to grab hold of someone who can help with the assignments since the dorm moms are always busy and plus what’s the point? It’s not like you’re going to make it big with studying anyway. Even if you were to get into college, who’s going to pay for the tuition? It’s better to just get by and not flunk so that you can get a job somewhere quick. Then finally your life at this home will be over!

Study period is finally over and you’re looking forward to watching your favorite drama on TV. But the girls are divided—half of you want to watch the drama you’re dying to watch and the other half wants to watch something else. And like everything else, the final decision is made by rock-paper-scissors. Fortunately, your side wins and you can watch TV in peace. At that moment, the dorm mom approaches demanding that you clean the sink right this minute. You were planning on doing it after dinner but forgot and now she’s up on your grill about it. “Clean it now or else!” she says. After putting up a losing fight, you stomp over to the sink to clean grumbling the whole time—why couldn’t she have waited until after the show was over, why is it always “do it right now!”

The TV show is over and now the battle starts to be the first one to use the bathroom. There’s only one bathroom per suite for 8 girls plus dorm mom. While you’re washing up, one of the girls bangs on the door to be let in…she says it’s an emergency and she has to go. Really, there is no privacy around here. Even when you’re feeling frustrated or just wanting to be by yourself, there is always someone in the room or you never know when someone will just barge in. And if you were to ask to go out, you’d have to tell the office when you’ll be back, who you’ll be with, why you are going. Everything must have permission and freedom is a luxury you often don’t see around here. You can’t wait until you’re done with high school so you can get out of this frustrating place.

....

blessings from my girls

2010-09-01T01:12:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the last day all 8 of the Hannah Room (middle and high school girls) would be together. One of the girls left for a school retreat for 2 days early this morning. With only 3 days left, I had gone out in the afternoon to put together a present of basic neccessities for the girls-- face cleanser, candy, a clock (their's broke last week). But little did I know that they had something planned for me! Later that evening, I jokingly said, "It's our last day all together~ we should have a good bye party!" The girls responded by saying that they already had something planned~ and later I saw them bring back bags full of food :) After the not-so-surprise party, some of the girls gave me letters they wrote. It's not so much what they did, but the fact that they did all of this out of their own volition that struck my heart. The kids often have good intentions/ideas but never fully carry it out due to laziness or lack of motivation. But this time, they made an exception for me! I felt so blessed~ I have yet to read all of them and can't wait to get to them!

More pictures!

2010-08-19T01:02:00.000-07:00

Han-Seul (he insisted I post this right away):

Me and Logan @ Lotte Mart.

Photo op at the primere of Billy Elliot (Korean cast):

Older boys having fun playing "Guess Who?" It was for English class so they had to speak English~ hehe

a welcomed time of rest

2010-08-13T21:14:00.000-07:00

Today, I am spending the day with my good friend, Evelyn, and her family. I got to their place late last night and slept on a BED. I must have slept ~12 hrs! It was great because I've been going off of ~6-7 hrs a night since my arrival which might have contributed to my being sick for the past week or so. Please pray for my health...my cough has gotten worse and is keeping me up at night a little.

Anyway, here at Evey's, I got to take a shower in a shower stall for the first time since being here. It felt nice~ and we're just about to order in some Korean style Chinese for lunch.. yummm!!

As for the kids and the home, english classes got started on monday and the kids have been responding well to the lessons. It's really basic English so it gives the kids a chance to shine :) After teaching in the morning/afternoons, I get to spend time with my kids. On Wednesday, I went to watch the Korean production of Billy Elliot. A company had donated some good tickets to the home and about 16 of us got to see it. At first, the kids were like , "awwww... do we have to go???" but I noticed that they were really getting into it during the show. Later when I asked how they liked it, all the kids said they were impressed and had a good time. Honestly, it really was quite a show~

On Thursday, I took 3 of the older kids out to the big mart where I was meeting my friend, Logan. They felt a little awkward being around a "foreigner" even though I kinda am too :) We had some ice cream and window shopped a little. It was a good time of chilling out~

I will be returning back to the home later this evening after dinner :) It's funny that everytime I get ready to go out at least 10 kids will ask "where you going?" I can't wait to see them~

Pictures from camp!

2010-08-09T05:22:00.001-07:00

Here are some pictures I've been wanting to show you guys!

The first picture is of the kids cleaning our "house" during camp. The older one is sweeping and the younger runs are wiping down with a rag. The second is of Han-Eul dressed for the talent show. The last is the boys all dressed up for the infamous Mr&Ms show :)

namsan camp

2010-08-05T22:48:00.000-07:00

Right now, I've escaped for a little while to get my phone activated and check my email. Today is DAY 5 of the camp and we're almost done. Only the camp fire left tonight and we'll be going back indoors (YAY!). Having spent the last 4.5 days with the kids have allowed me to see how the kids have grown/changed. Generally speaking, most of the kids have become brighter (i.e. talk more openly, smile more and often, etc). I was surprised to see even older highschool boys coming up to say "hi" to me and make small talk during the camp. And you have to understand, last year these same boys wouldn't even respond when I said hi to them! We even joke around and they sometimes offer to help out with dishes and such. How amazing is prayer! I came to see the fruit of prayer but I didn't realize it would be so sudden and so soon! I am so happy right now! This week has been so funnn!!

2010-08-01T07:13:00.000-07:00

oops wrong video.. check on this one!

sunday at king bar

2010-08-01T06:55:00.000-07:00

Today (Sunday) was spent mostly going from service to service. The second service I went to was New Philly's Itaewon campus. It was such a blessed time and a lot of inner healings were breaking through. Watch the videos to see what the area is like and you can see the reality of spiritual battles.

As for me, I'm feeling a little more rested today praise the lord! Camp starts tomorrow, which means I won't be able to get on the computer for a week. But one thing that I ask is that you pray for a covering of patience and love within the kids. They get very angry or discouraged during team activities if things don't go their way. It really ruins the fun camp attitude. Even today, there were some flare ups and the kids are still a bit upset at each other. But I feel confident that God is doing his work in the midst. I honestly think it's kinda funny when they all get angry because it's like sibling rivalry but then again it's deeper than that.

Ok! see you all in a week or so!

love you so much!

btw... I've been praying for the kids under my breathe whenever I can and I feel that it's be impactful. They don't stay angry as long and smile more frequently than I've noticed before :)

saying goodbye

2010-07-31T06:21:00.000-07:00

So.. it's been a little more difficult to get on a computer with the teens here getting in line for internet time. Sorry for the delay in updates!

Here's the news so far:

2 sets of siblings went home to their parents! yay! Their parents came and picked them up. All the kids have been telling me about it over and over again. It's reflection of their own longing to be reunited with their family, I think.
2 boys (1 highschool, 1 middle school) ran away a while back. One returned yesterday but then got sick and is in the hospital. I'm not sure what's going with that. The other boy (middle schooler) is still out on his own. I asked his sister who's shares the room with me and she said he probably won't be coming back and he likes it out there. Both of these boys were the ones no one wanted to deal with and were labeled as troublemakers. They definitely have felt rejection within the home and as such, feel no regrets about running off. Please pray for their eyes to be opened to the Sonship they share with Jesus and that they will realize that people truly do love them.
Lastly, the dorm mom for the middle/high school girls left today. She has been serving here for 3 years and the girls have grown to respect her despite her being a bit harsh with them at times. After lunch we had a small farewell party for her with many of the other kids from the home attending. The girls made her a card with notes from other kids and staff, and a video presentation, which was impressive given the effort they put in (usually they give up after a little while). A lot of tears from both dorm mom and her girls. A new dorm mom is coming next week after their summer camp. Please pray for trust to build between the new dorm mom and the girls.

Also, the annual CAMP is starting on Monday for 5 days. It's an all out event where all the kids go "camping" in the front yard and aren't allowed back in. Cooking, cleaning, sleeping (for the boys at least), playing games and presentations all happen outdoors! It's very draining on the staff but the kids look forward to it a lot. Please pray for the Lord to fill me with energy and excitment for this event. I haven't gotten fully rested since my arrival and have been lagging behind a little.

I love u all so much. sorry for the grammar/typos. Too tired to proofread. Good nite!

Current state of mind (12 hr to departure)

2010-07-27T07:43:00.000-07:00

I have yet to pack and there are still last-minute errands to run. In a way, I can't believe I'll be leaving across the ocean within the next 12 hrs. Surreal is the word. I try not to be, but I'm scared...even to the point that I wonder, "maybe I shouldn't go." What if I am disappointed? In myself mostly but also I'm afraid of being disappointed in God. That's definitely not the Prince of Peace speaking, I know! But last year when I went, it was a life changing experience and God took me to whole different level of intimacy and truth. But what if this time around, it's not as amazing? I want it to be but what if my flesh gets in the way and I come back the same? All that money and prayers spent on me would have been wasted!

But every time my mind wanders away like that, the Spirit reminds me that Jesus does not disappoint. He takes us from glory to glory. Never backwards. If it's on my strength and my knowledge, I am certain that I will be disappointed. But I embody Christ. The one who is victorious over all sin and all circumstance is in me. The authority and power that Jesus had in rebuking Satan is in me because I am covered by His blood.

Lord, I claim your victory in my life and in those whom I will serve. I bind the spirit of fear and pride in your blood and cast them out. I thank you for all the future victories you have promised. Amen.

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you ...

2010-07-27T07:02:00.000-07:00

Money. I needed it. Airfare was covered, but the time between my going and my returning was not. At first I thought to just use my school loans. "I could pay it back later when I start working" was my thought. But the Lord said to ask and it will be given to me. Plus, my Father is the lord of all wealth and riches...it's not a hard thing for Him so why not ask? Last year, many of my relatives in Korea gave me "allowance" money since I hadn't seen them in over 10 years. And now this year, the money is flowing in from my relatives in the U.S. Mostly it's like "Here's some money to buy what I asked you for, and here's some more for you to spend." God's the ultimate sugar-daddy :)

A dream come true :)

2010-07-27T06:55:00.000-07:00

So, even before leaving Korea last summer (2009), I wanted to go back. I remember specifically this one teen at the home asking me if I'd be returning anytime soon. At that time, all I could say was "I hope I can. I will someday!" and the response I got from him was, "No, you're not going to come back. They always say they will but never do..." That just about did it for me and I have been praying on and off for God to give me an opportunity to go back asap.

Upon my return back to the States, I had to jump into school almost right away at JMU, but in the meantime, I had gotten information about a Korean lady nearby who held a World Mission prayer meeting every Wednesdays. More importantly, I was told that she had a heart for the Orphanage Ministry in Korea. So without any headsup, I just dropped in one Wednesday evening praying that it wouldn't be so awkward. As soon as I got introduced to the prayer lady, she told me that she had been praying for me! This really surprised me since I had never seen her before nor did she she know me. Later she told me that she saw my name in a Servants newsletter as going to Korea for missions and started praying for me right away. That night, I got to share with her my experience in Korea and pray together with some other cool people.

Ever since then, she (Mrs. Lim) has become a great spiritual mentor to me, and a small group of us have been gathering together regularly to pray for various missionaries all over the world. And on one of these days, she brought up the possibility of my going back to Korea. I started getting excited right away but also worried about time and expenses. But God has been so faithful! Ms.Lim has covered the entirety of my airfare and I found out that I had a good month off before having to return to school! Not only that, NamSan Home was not going to receive any summer volunteer this summer but upon hearing that I was interested in returning.. they said YES!

And so...my SUPER awesome, God-appointed, God-anointed trip begins~~~~~~ ^^

midterm week.. once again

2009-10-19T17:45:00.000-07:00

what is it about test week that makes one want to do everything else but study? For instance, instead of studying for my phonological disorders (sounds cool right?) midterm I want to sing and dance to the song "Giver of life." I don't know what it is about that song that makes me want to jump off my chair singing at the top of my lungs and do the Carlton dance.

so here's the plan

2009-08-23T18:15:00.000-07:00

I am going to do a massive update and I thought the best way to do that is to just start from where I left off which was like a month ago. I have learned and felt so much that to not share would be taking from God's glory. Plus, I've been getting a few comments of how I stopped writing and such from people... hehehe. Ok so here goes~

7/31/09

I've been realizing that it's not the unfamiliar and "outside of my bubble" experiences that God tests us most through. When things are strange and we don't know what's going on, don't we tend to depend on Him more? "God, help me!" "I need you!" are common prayers that God often answers. Having been at the home for a little more than month has already dulled that sense of newness and vulnerability. I am starting to lose my patience a lot faster and show it more openly with my partner and some of the kids. All because I am losing my desperation for God. Yesterday, I went around trying to get group pictures of all the kids at the home. Elisabeth and I wanted surprise them by framing the picture and writing a note on them before we left. So out of good intentions I went to go take pictures. The first group I approached was middle/high school boys. Most of the kids were reluctant but willing in various degree but there was this one kid who was so absorbed in watching anime with some older hyungs that he refused to take it. So in the end, I threatened that unless he came I would just get in their way the whole time (which probably wasn't the best strategy). So basically I forced him to take a picture and it totally showed in the picture! Then he started to ignore and talk smack. Dude! so frustrating! it's just a picture!

Then that night, the baby cried and cried and I couldn't figure it out. Then after like 30 mins of crying he started to gag then throw up first on my shoulder, then on my pants, then on my foot. And to top it off, he had pooped a butt load in his diaper. With his dorm mom not being around (all the teachers were running about getting ready for the camp), I washed him and changed him with him crying the whole time. So right when I was carrying him and he was calming down a little, his dorm mom rushes in and takes him from me saying to the baby "I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have left you..." which made me feel as if I wasn't doing a very good job. All I could do at this point was go up to my room with reeking clothes and get ready for bed.

Arghh!! what a horrendous day! I complained to my partner all that. But honestly, did I expect every day to go my way, all fun and affection and everyone liking me? Ok, well I kinda had hoped but I don't know why it bothered me so much that it wasn't especially today. I felt as if I had been there for many many months and I felt so exhausted. So this is what feeling familar does to you... make you get snappy quicker. Lord, more than when all this was new, increase the love you have for your people in me. Help me to be dripping with your love, Jesus!

8/01/09
Today is the first day of camp. Camp at NamSan Children's home is basically 5 days and 5 nights of eating, playing, living outdoors in these tarp gazebo things. No one is technically allowed to come back indoors because it's suppose to be like we've all gone somewhere far away to go camping or something. So all the kids pack their bags with undies and a few change of clothes and the teachers bring out bundles and bundles of blankets for the kids to use when sleeping outdoors under mosquito nettings. With the 5 days of camp comes the realization that those 5 days are going to be precious time of being soaked with the kids and staff. 24/7, no personal space, no personal time just camp.

The kids are super excited though that we will be staying for camp. They keep on asking, "Are you staying for camp? really? (hug)" and even the older boys have come up to us asking us the same thing minus the hug. I think to them Camp is their version of a family vacation and that we will be joining them makes us kinda like family too. I'm really looking forward to it but as of yet, I feel lost and in the way of preparation. Also, my eyes are opening to the fact that I am still an outsider despite the 2 months here. I can't expect to be embraced and loved by all, although I try hard to be :) But in the end, it's not about how much they like me, right?

8/07/09
Camp ended two days ago. It was a blur of games, programs, eating, cleaning, getting rained on, swimming, laughing, sleeping on hard tiles, getting thrown in the pool, and unforgettable memories... I'll post pictures on facebook with comments :)

But through camp, I was able to experience more of the kids and spend time with kids who I couldn't have been with before. The last night, prior to being thrown into the pool, we took pictures... kinda like farewell pics b/c I would be leaving in a few days. I told them I would be back but many of the kids seemed skeptical and said how everyone just says that. But after many bouts of persuading them I will truly be back, they seemed to believe me. Honestly, I don't know when I will be able to keep that promise but I am asking God that He send me back sooner rather than later. I miss these kids so much even as they are in front of me laughing and joking around.

And today is my last day at the home. I regreat the the day was spent in such hustle and bustle- running last minute errands and packing-- that I didn't get to see much of the kids. Last night though was a good time of saying bye with Elisabeth to all the kids. We went around to each room and gave a group photo with personal notes written on it. The kids really liked it and actually every room was missing such a group picture so it worked out well. One of the older kids surprised the two of us by giving us a goodbye present, a really nice watch! Mine was purple and Elisabeth's pink with flashy faux diamonds all around.. haha~ the thought and affection behind it blew me away the most. I never would have thought to get something like that for them yet they would for us.. amazing.

I feel like, in the end, more than me having loved the kids here, I have been loved by them. They always have looked at me with smiles and affectionate nods. I'm going to miss them to no end. How I wish God would call me into this ministry, but I feel that He's planning something else for me when I return to the states. Funny story: One of the 3rd grade boys named Kyung-Min and I were doing dishes during Camp. He wasn't very efficient but still helpful. So we got to talking and he asked me "Why do you have to go back to America?" I carefully told him that I have some things to take of when I get back. And after pausing and thinking a bit he said, "If you don't do it, will you die?" HAHAHAHA... well.. I guess I wouldn't die but it made an impression on me and I seriously considerd staying in Korea a bit longer.

So during my very final moments, with your help, I was able to surprise the home with gift. After buying my plane tickets and subtracting tithe and living expenses, I still had ~$350 in my fund. I wanted to donate it to the home, but for what, I prayed. The best way for the money to get to everyone in the home was, I thought, food. Through the 2 months I've been here, the kids often don't get to go out to eat unless it's through a sponsered event or in little groups. There is rarely any money left over for the home to spend on extravagence as eating out. So I donated the money to the director specifying that I wanted them to eat out with it.. honestly it wasn't much to offer for 60+ people to eat out but somehow he negotiated with a restuarant and made it work. And coincidentally, that day the lady who usually cooks for the home couldn't make it and the other teachers were in a dilemna as to feed everyone dinner so 30 minutes after I gave the money and we took final pictures, off they went to eat donkatsu and korean jjigae. Thank you all for your generosity! You have been such a blessing to me and the kids! They were so excited and couldn't stop asking, "Really? we're eating out!??" and all were grinning ear to ear even the oldest of the kids. heh. thank you~

soon to be updated!

2009-08-14T19:25:00.001-07:00

This is just a quick note that I have not abandoned my blog only neglected it for some time. I will be returning with updates of how the last few weeks in Korea were as well as how things have been now that I am back (and yes, I am back). My apologies for keeping you all in the dark. But to sum it up, my time in Korea was so amazing and SUCH a blessing! Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord!

soccer camp, pool, and other things

2009-07-25T04:02:00.000-07:00

So after many weeks of neglecting the blog and trying to use every minute as fulfilling as possible, I got sick!The fact that I was in wet clothes at the pool for 2 hours being cold then going right back out not to return for another 6 hours probably didn't help either. So last night, I had a fever and sore throat which still continues at this very moment. But after getting like 10 hrs of sleep off and on and eating well, I feel much better. I had been planning to go out and wander the city a bit today but ah well, I suppose it's God's way of letting me know that I need rest. Plus now I can write a ridiculously long entry without feeling like I need to be elsewhere :)

So here are some things that have been going on in no particular order.

This past Mon-Wed was the annunal Jerusalem Ministry's Soccer Camp for the boys at various homes. Some of the things that we had been praying for were that the boys got a boost in self-confidence as out there and also be unified because we were putting them in teams with kids that they didn't know. We had also been praying for good weather especially since it's mansoon season in Korea and the rain can be really unpredictable and long lasting. Last year, it rained before and after the soccer camp but not during. This year, we got 3 days of sunny weather, one of the sunniest I've ever seen here. All for His glory! There were some rocky moments with a few kids and during such moments I was reminded that I should have been praying more. We had 6 kids from my home go and they had to split up into 4 teams but I was so proud of how they did their best (most of the time) nevertheless. The kids are well disciplined here so when they go out, they tend not to be rowdy and more reserved. My babies! On the last day, the kids all went to the swimming park nearby and had tons of fun dunking me in the water. You can imagine how tired they were on our hour long subway ride home :)

Our kids all decked out in their soccer gear on our way to the soccer camp

The Blue Sharks! That was the name of our team. We ended up gettting third place :)

at the pool afterwards. we all had to wear caps or couldn't go in the pool... so redunkulous looking

i finally escaped from the boys' grasp. so tired~

our way back home after 3 days of soccer camp and the pool. the kid sleeping wouldn't wake up when it was time to get off, so we almost had to drag him out.

Then on Friday of the same week, our home decided to take the kids to the swimming park as well. We were there from 10-4 and it started raining/windy in the middle. I was cold and tried to get the kids out of the water but they insisted through blue lips and chattering teeth that they weren't cold at all, haha. We ended the day with piping-hot ramen noodles, which I was super thankful for.

I can't believe it's almost already time to leave this place. It's been a very long but short (?) time here at NamSan home and I feel like already we've grown accustomed to each other. Today a few of the older boys came up to me saying "Are you still sick?" which doesn't seem much but meant a lot to me. The younger kids all made it a point to come up to me asking a variety of things as I was sitting outside watching them play .."let's play battminton," "maerong," and my personal favorite "why do you keep on looking at me, am I that good looking?" These kids are so eager to get your attention sometimes but then aren't we all?

Honestly, I've been slacking on my prayer/QT time with God these days. I know how faithful He is when we ask yet I haven't been asking. Especially with only 2 more weeks or so left here, I really should be on my knees interceding for the staff and kids. But it's a relief to know that people back home are interceding for them as well and I don't have to be bear the weight alone~

some random pictures.

in their double files going to school.

during the 4/5th grade english class.

getting her hair cut from the hair-cutter volunteer.

cute kids.

ladies and gentlemen~

2009-07-23T07:34:00.000-07:00

it's hard to know who is reading the random things I post up. it's helpful for me to keep track of all that's going on but still i wonder, what if im posting pictures and ranting about stuff to no one. so I have a petty favor, for those who are reading this, give me a hollar via comment. It'd be nice to know. thanks! stay tuned for updates from soccer camp and pool outing~

pictures!

2009-07-13T20:03:00.000-07:00

Me and the dorm mom whose dorm we live in.
She was very surprised at the immense flash of the camera.

At the tea house we went to with a few of the dorm moms.
It was very scenic, as if we were in the way back when times of Korea.
Caveat: one cup of tea = $6

A narrow residential alley way. You don't get to see much of this anymore in Seoul.

Our girls posing at the movie theater after watching Transformer 2.
They thought it was soooo good. meh.

Our youngest with their dorm mom.

The boys (not looking) at the movies.

Sungjin trying very hard to blow ballons that I got for them at the dollar store.
It was really cheap and they burst that very day. Ok, I'll stop being a cheapo.

My older cousin getting interviewed at a restuarant we went for lunch. Apparently they wanted to feature the place for being a good-tasting place in Seoul. haha.. they told us to watch for the show on TV. too bad I don't get cable.

Me eating "western food." Pasta, soup, salad is seen as gourmet food here and my cousin treated me out specially. After we finished eating they gave each of us a flower.

The older boys warming up before the soccer tournament.

A few of us eating the leftover meat after the soccer tournament. The boys were hogging the meat tables so we went for the scrapes.

Us playing Halli Galli. So intense.

Jin wearing a rubber glove on her head.

During "English Time" when we play games or watch movies in English.

Playing a relay game during English Time.

During the preK/K english class. We play with playdoh as you can see.

worlds apart

2009-07-07T19:22:00.000-07:00

Our home is situated behind to very prominent schools. Ironically, both schools are known for being very rich. It's quite a sight every morning as moms and dads in lexus, bmw, benz and the highest class of korean sedans pull while we walk our kids to their school which is about 2 blocks away. (Quick socioeconmics of Korea: Most people do not own cars here, and, I believe, to own one is a sign of being pretty well off. But if you were to drive a foreign car, and on top of that a luxury line, that usually means that you are of the highest class-- CEOs, politicans, etc) Teachers wearing white gloves and high heels open shiny doors with its shiny handle and greet the children who are decked out in their elementary school uniform- green shorts, yellow shirt, matching yellow cap. Obviously, the children in our home isn't especially fond of these kids and usually gives them a quick side glance before briskly walking away.

The thing that always gets me though is that if you were to take a child from that super rich school and take one of our kids and place them side by side, there would be very little difference. I've seen a few of these kids coming out of those nice cars and shoo! our kids are cuter, quicker and I bet smarter than a lot of them! Ok, there's some biases in there but still~ no difference. Yet, one child gets everything that they can hope for and the other, doesn't even have a parent to dress them in the morning and give them a hug goodbye. So unfair.

I actually got to hear some of the stories of the older girls with whom we are living. They were having a lot of fun telling me their past, laughing at how ridiculous they must have seemed and comparing how close of a call it was during when x,y,z. Although it seems a bit weird and sadistic to be laughing in such situation, it's really that or to cry. I am sometimes amazed at how much laughter and playfulness these kids have at times. One minute a child will be crying for her dad and then they see kids outside running around and laughing and she will laugh along too! I just hope that the laughter isn't just a cover up for something much darker but that the laughter is just a reverberation of the true joy that is inside.

How can these kids have joy, someone may ask? I am learning that God especially is near those who are poor and fatherless and His heart breaks more of these than any other. In that way, He will pour out more to them than to us who are well loved on earth. Because if you think about it, how else would someone be able to experience love if they don't have anything but their broken bodies and broken hearts? God mends those bodies and hearts as a means to show love to them.

Here's a bit of one of the girls' story.

She was placed in this home when she was 6 years old (5 in American age). Before then she was placed in two other homes. Before then she was living with an alcholic father and a neglient mother. Her father would regularly beat her upon returning home from drinking. Her mother seems to be out of the picture most of the time. Multiple times, she was left behind in a public place but each time she ended up running into a relative who took her back home. The last night at her home she was witnessing her mother getting severly beaten by her father when she all of a sudden remembered her grandfather's number which he had only told her once before. She said it just surfaced in her mind and she immediately went over to the neighbors and dialed it. After her grandfather came and saw the situation, he took her away and was placed in a home. She now thinks that God was helping her through all of those situations especially the last one.

In such way, I believe that God will show his love and soverignity in all of these kids' lives. Our God uses the weak to mock the strong and the wise. I am expecting great miracles to happen here and healing to take place. And I want to made poor so that I too may experience the glory of God.

For those who haven't seen it yet, you need to watch this documentary about the powerful works that God is doing in the world. It's called "Finger of God" and it's on Youtube. In the middle of it I just had to stop and go to my room and cry out to God in praise. So amazing how great our God is and we don't even know it yet! Watch it and let me know what you think!

Ok, this update is getting to be like a 5 page essay sorry for those at work/class but one last thing. We offically started staff prayer this Monday! PTL! The first meet was a bit awkward b/c only one person showed up and she happened to be the only non-Christian who had signed up to come. But the next few times have been not as awkward. I hope to bring in some powerful prayer and in the end see powerful results. Perhaps I am coming off as one of those people in the Bible who asked for a sign and Jesus rebukes them by saying "you wicked and adulterous generation!" but I am not saying this out of doubt. More like, to see more of his kingdom?

Thanks for your prayers, all! It's working!

5 dollar feast!

2009-06-30T22:17:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, the girls in our dorm got to go out to eat for dinner for getting 1st place in the monthly cleaning check-up. It was really intense on that day and everyone was super tense, especially the teachers. I thought that the health inspector was going to come seeing how everyone was cleaning everything inside out. But actually, it was just the director of the home with a couple of the teachers coming around each dorm, only they were giving scores on how clean things were. At one point, they pulled out a clean cloth and wiped the floor to see if it were indeed clean. You passed if it came up clean, not if didn't.

Anyway, we decided to go to this 냉면 place that all the girls were raving about. It's called "고기주는 냉면집" aka "the naeng-myun place that gives you meat." A bowl of 냉면 + a plate of 갈비 (galbi) = 5,000won. That's less than 5 bucks! It was soooooo goood! We must have inhaled that junks. The 10 of us were basically done in 10 minutes, noodles and meat. Man, Korea knows how to eat. I was telling my dad about the place this morning and he was like, "I'm gonna go to Korea, too" hahaha.

Left to Right: Saemi, Jin, Solee, Elisabeth @ the naeng-myun place (pre-eating)

We started taking prayer requests from the kids who we teach. We made a big tree with only branches and had the kids fill in a leaf with their prayer requests. Right now, the leaves are starting to fill out. Our hope is that as the prayers get answered, we will replace the leaves with Fruit! Props to John-Michael for the idea. Here's a snippet of what the kids have written:

- To do well on my final test (the school year is just ending for the kids here)

-Wish: Nintendo

- Where is my mom?

- For my sister to be happy.

- To become rich and own a lot of apartments

- For my dad to come get me soon.

Through this prayer tree, we are seeing more of the kids than just joking around. Some of the kids have been for a long time Yesterday this one high school boy told us with a dry chuckle that he's been here for 14 years. They all, at least older guys and girls, want to get out of this place and away from always having to follow strict rules, only they have nowhere really to go or even if they find a relative, they'll send them back. Sometimes I wonder, what are they thinking about? How much is still hope and how much is feeling abandoned?

Other pictures from the week:

@ the Anicenter: cartoon museum. It's where the kids can go to watch anime for free in little cubicles. The boys here decided they wanted to see a scary anime. You can see how stunned they were by looking at the boy on the far right. They didn't know I even took a picture.

The two little ones in the "pool" aka wash-basin. The kids loved it nevertheless~

quarter of the way there, already?!!! O.o

2009-06-25T21:31:00.000-07:00

Elisabeth, my partner, reminded me that we are already a quarter of the way done with our missions here. That really tooke me back because I feel that we haven't really started anything. So far, I've become accustomed to the customs of the home and its schedule but in terms of real, meaty, spiritual substance has yet to begun. So here are some things we are considering:

1. Prayer meeting for the staff: The hope is to start/end the day with Scripture and prayer with some of the teachers and that they will see fruit in their relationships with the kids. Then, ultimately, other staff who are not believers will see the fruit and transformation and be led to Christ. We are only here to get this ball rolling, real fruit, I believe, will come more with time.

2. Bedtime prayer for the kids: We want to pray with/for the kids before bed. It won't be anything super long but prayer in itself shows great love.

3. Bible study with middle/high school girls: Since we are living in the same suite as the older teen girls, we have the deepest relationship with them. Rather than just having fun and being nice to them, we want to offer something more: Everlasting food and comfort~

4. Collecting prayer requests from the kids: We want to allow every kids an outlet to express their concerns/prayer topics so that we can pray for specific things. So we are planning to hand out prayer leaves and pasting them on a prayer tree. As the prayers get answered, the leaves will be exchanged for fruit! We are hoping for lots of fruit!

In all these things, we are finding ourselves needing to rely on God's hand in everything-- scheduling, open and willing hearts, physical energy. Please keep these ideas in your prayers. We want to offer them lasting things rather than just niceities :)

spacesuits

2009-06-23T21:15:00.000-07:00

So, I'm seeing a lot of typos and grammatical mistakes in my entries thus far. And if you're questioning the integrity of my English, well.. it's not my being here that I'm forgetting articles and spelling. Most of the time, I'm trying to squeezing in an entry before the kids start coming home which can be as early as 12:30pm. Otherwise, it's before bed and the girls in our dorm are blasting kpop or watching drama at the same time in the same room. So there! hahaha~ excuses, excuses, right? Actually I'm pretty concerened that my English would be downgraded upon arrival in the States just in time for speech therapy training. wohoo! I suppose I can just give myself speech therapy ;)

OK! so yesterday was bit of a crazy day. I found out on Monday that my friend Erica, who was suppose to have arrived in Korea on Monday for the orphanage missions, never got out of the airport. The reason being she had a fever and was showing flu-like symptoms, so they kept her in quarantine at the korean airport. Yesterday, she was transfered to a hospital near where my home is so JM and I went to visit her. Only they wouldn't allow any visitors! She's sealed in a room and no one except for doctors and food servers are allowed. They wouldn't even allow us to see through the door! Eventually, they allowed her to wave to us through the security camera and we were able to see her behind her info desk (apparently, this is not allowed). Everyone entering the room were wearing these intense spacesuits- goggles, bags over shoes, and gloves-- the whole shebang. I know we should take precautions against infectious germs but a bit overboard? We were given her room phone number so at least we can talk to her. JM and I agreed that since she's not allowed visitors, we would get her tons of snacks and random stuff to do to prevent extensive boredom. But it's crucial that she gets well quickly so she can do what she came to do! The doctors are estimating a week's stay but through prayer she can get well in a few days time and then the doctors will be amazed and give all glory to God!

As for me, we started official English classes with all the kids (1st to high school). We have scheduled blocks from each age group and are planning lessons that can be shared amongst the groups. However, there is a lot of planning and thinking through that we need to do. I'm so blessed that my partner has taken a lot of the burden in this... because honestly, I often don't want to think about. Recently, I've been feeling a bit lazy and not really wanting to give my all. In such moments, I'm reminded that I am weak and my "works" is not worth much. Then I turn to God to take care of everything and feel much less burdened. God's been truly filling me in crucial moments of parched-ness.

OK! Time for a super cute video! He's our youngest = loved by everyone. But how can you not?!?! One of the younger girls is taking the video so it may be a bit shaky at times. After seeing this clip, I'm thinking I need to be more gentle myself. His head bobbles like crazy~

trek up 남산 (Nam Mountain)

2009-06-21T03:47:00.000-07:00

Today is my first Sunday at the home. Sunday is the one day out of the week that we allow ourselves time to rest/catch up with rest/meet people. It's bascially a day to get recharged~~!!!

In the morning, however, I was woken up by the sounds of kids getting ready for something. Everyone was going on a "walk" to NamSan and having already woken up, I decided to go with them. Our home's backyard is basically the mountain so getting there was no problem. But what I thought would be a walk was more like intense boot camp. I think we must have climbed 1000 stairs.. seriously, 30minutes of incline and finally at the end, we were at the top of the mountain. Here we proceeded to take a group picture then immediately started our trek back down. Then instead of going the long and proper way, we went through a "shortcut" down a dirt path. I ended up getting scratchs on my hands from sliding down the rocky parts and I was even wearing sneakers! The little kids (<10>

I am beginning to realize that just having fun and teaching English to the kids are not enough to get into the deeper things of the kids' hearts. Not that I am here to counsel them but in order to pray specifically we need to know details too. So I've been trying to brainstorm some ideas such as prayer for the kids before bed time, weekly bible study with the older girls, and getting prayer requests. Also, JM reminded me that we really need to bring the staff here to pray for the kids too. All these things I want to first give it up to the Lord and make sure that I'm not doing it out of my desire for deeds. If anyone has other suggestions, please tell me!!! I need all the brain and prayer power I can get!

pictures:

We went up like 1000 of these stairs. Even the little girl went up them all. No mercy~

The view from the top. To Koreans, this is the one of the best views.. one of the girls was like.. "it's so beautiful".. no wonder they Koreans want to go touring mountains so much when they come to the U.S.... this is all they got!

All of our kids and some teachers. Apparently, this is a hot spot and lots of movie sceans were taken here. If you look real close you can see how sweaty we all are.

feels like home already~

2009-06-17T22:13:00.000-07:00

It's amazing how fast one gets used to things. It's day 4 and already I feel familiar with the schedule. Yesterday, I even bought a 5,000won watch to keep myself in check for promptness. Some things that I've gotten used to:

1. Sleeping on hard tile floors.

2. Eating rice 3x a day.

3. Manuevering around zooming motorcycles and the occasional cars that travel in the same space as pedestrians.(all legal in korea)

So far the kids seem to be very open to us being here. Not a lot of resistance... perhaps from the older boys but we don't get to interact with them much since they live in a different building than where we are housed. They love to be hugged and want to have your full attention. If you turn your head to listen to another kid, they will immediately call you back and with more urgency in their voice, ask you to watch them/read to them/ etc. Basically they seem to be like any children in a stable home. There have, however, been moments when I am taken aback by somethings that don't seem typical for children their age.

For one, the kids are brutally honest.

Did you clean your room? No.

Who told you to eat that? She did (pointing to the culprit).

Why didn't you come straight from school? I met my friend.

I mean usually kids will try to get away with things and fib a little. But these kids, they look at you and tell you what they did wrong, even the smallest things, things that the teacher would have no idea. But it makes sense because whether the teachers are there or not, they are under constant surveillance from the other kids. If you don't tell with your own lips then they will. So why get in trouble twice, one for doing wrong and another for not telling? So the kids here are all very honest, if you can put it that way.

A typical room. 2-4 kids sleep in one room. At night, they pull out the blanket and mats and sleep on the nice hard tile floors. So do we :)

Our bathroom. Notice, no tubs or shower curtain.

The home grounds.

Laundry hanging out to dry~ tiny undies~

One of our littlest. She reminds me of me at times~~

국민체조 (national exercise)

2009-06-16T21:31:00.000-07:00

Wake up. Everyone hurries out by 6 and files into their designated lines by age. The director, who the kids call "dad" or "mom," comes to address them and have morning exercise, which consists of various routine stretches in 8 counts.... forreal... the old school style. Then rush back in and to get ready for school (for the kids) or help get ready. Eat. Walk together to school. Babysit while staff are in a meeting. English for the staff. QT. eat. prep/wait for kids to come back from school. teach. free time. teach. teach. free time. sleep.

Everything is pretty regimented. I regret not having a watch on me, I'm considering getting a cheap plastic one so I'm not the one who come out late for everything. No Asian time here! If the kids are late in coming out for morning exercises... they have to 업드려뻐쳐... which is a form of punishment where one gets into pushup position for however long he is told to. Mostly, boys do this. The kids have been teaching us outdoor tag games and card games and joking around. It seems so much more than 1.5 days. More like a week~ everyday is really full and at times overwhelming. To absorb everything and figure out what to say/do/put my hand... all very much brain power.

I'll try to take pictures of our home! AHHHHH... I wish I had more heads to think. All in all, it's been greeeaaaattttt!

first day at namsanwon

2009-06-15T05:12:00.000-07:00

After picking up Elisabeth (my partner) from the airport, JM took us to the home. When we arrived, the kids weren't here because they were in school but we got to get ourselves settled and was taken on a tour around the place. And the place is REALLY nice! honestly, i was thinking like worn out floors and dingy rooms (my prejudice) but everything here is so clean and white. Furnitures, floor, tiles, walls are very light and clean... I found out later that the kids are required to clean the rooms twice daily. The kids then slowly started trickling at which point it was mad awkward.

HOWEVER! once we gave out cookies (I baked a couple dozen before leaving home) they were our's for the taking!! muhahaha!! well... not really but a few of the younger boys kept inching over and peering at the container then I got them to talk to me and tell me their names~ then later they asked me to read their only 2 english books.. one about community helpers and another about dinosaurs. The boys would ask me to read and then fight over what was what! haha.. anyway.. they're shutting the internet off now. gtg!

moving up (literally)

2009-06-14T00:13:00.000-07:00

I find myself actively having to think that I am in Korea. At times, when eating at a restaurant or at my uncle's house, I feel as though I'm in Nova or any other Korean town in the states. The side dishes they serve are the same and the same tv shows play in the background. But then I'm hit in the face that, in fact, this is Korea when I see and hear only things you can experience here.

For one, have you ever heard the sound of rubber rubbing against rubber? That is the sound often heard in any indoor parking garage. Kinda sounds like sticky squeals as tires scrape against rubber flooring as they attempt to turn and park.

And everyone here lives in apartments. They're countless! See picture below.. the buildings in the back are also apt.

And have you ever wondered how people move around here? There's no way a sofa can fit in an elevator to get to the 15th floor of the complex. Well, if you're dying to know, I was fortunate enough to discover the answer.

HUGE CRANES!!!

whew... updating blogs is a lot of work. hopefully I'll get faster at this otherwise... these will probably be the last pictures you guys will see! jk jk... perhaps not... :)

KOrEa!!

2009-06-13T05:52:00.000-07:00

After 16 hours of sleeping, watching movies, eating and reading interchangeablym, I arrived in Incheon, S.K. It's been 10 years since I've last come but the feel is just the same. A lot of dark haired, nicely dressed people walking around :)

Have you guys riden Korean Air recently.. it's pretty nice~ your own tv screen and lots of food :) As everyone recommended, I got the bibimbap then watched House, Tales of Despereux, He's not that into you.. bleh bleh. But toward the end, people were getting ansty despite these ammendmities and babies were crying their heads off. This one poor baby in front, you could see that the mom was getting frustrated because gradually her patting the baby's back became more like a thumping.. eck.. hope it doesn't leave a bruise.

Anyway, my uncle picked me up and so I'll be here until Monday when the REAL fun starts~ I'm all equipped with playdoh, guess who, uno cards, and construction paper :)

Thanks for your prayers everyone. In sum, I am safe, full, and excited!

Korea tomorrow?!

2009-06-11T10:08:00.000-07:00

Thank you everyone for your faithful prayers and generosity!!! I have well met and exceeded the cost of the trip, which means 1)God is amaaaaaaaaazing 2)we will be able to donate a significant amount to Jerusalem Ministry and to the children being served under it.

Seriously, when I first wrote down the amount I would need to get to Korea and live there (~$1800), I gasped outloud. Where would I get all that?? I had never needed so much funding for a missions trip before and last year when I went to AZ for 2 weeks, I ended up meeting the deficient amount. So this year, I was like... I guess I'll just have to use my tax-return. But God started to blow my mind with the generosity He showed through you all. Checks were being sent it in 3-digit amounts. Those checks probably were an accumulation of hard work and a lot of saving, and I'm not taking it for granted. So generous! God is good! He provides! wow.

Now, only 24 hours away from the time of my flight, there is much to be done. Other than packing, purchasing things, and all the logistics, I have a lot to prepare in my heart. I'm really excited to see how God reveals his glory during my stay. I'm also antsy to see the children at the homes come to Christ. But at the same time, I can't expect to see the kids falling left and right to repent and be saved just because I go there.

I suppose I do fantasize about it though, leading every kid I meet to Jesus following my first deep conversation with him/her. But like in the story of Nehemiah, it took a lot of people, resources, and time to rebuild the wall of Jerusalem (and have you guys noticed.. the ministry is called.. Jerusalem Ministry ???). People ranging from goldsmith to perfume makers took up a section of the wall and started to build it back up working alongside each other. The perfume maker probably coudln't actually see his neighbor, the goldsmith, working on the wall at the same time as he but, they were, and the wall started to get built. Like such, any ministry or missions work the same way... not one person building it up in a fury of prayer/service/committment but by everyone, layer by layer, adding their own personal florish. So, I shouldn't be disappointed to see little or even no change in the attitudes of the children towards God or others, but trust that my work will contribute to the completion. Maybe my energy there will be equivalent to mortar to help bind the more apparent bricks together, or maybe God will bless me with the opportunity to see one of the gates of the wall being raised up. Either way, it shouldn't matter knowing that all components are essential for His work.

Please pray for me right now that I will not forget this during my time in Korea, whatever happens. And I hope that in whatever ministry or missions that you are committed to, you will remember the same :)

last day at VIA

2009-06-04T15:59:00.001-07:00

At the beginning of this week, everyone at work reminded me how it was my last week at VIA (that's my work place), and everytime I would be like, "oh yea... it's my last week." Up until the very last session, it felt like I would return the next day doing what we've always done-- teach, hang out, clean, laugh with the kids-- but today, as the kids got on the bus to go home, it finally became real that today was gonna be the last day I'd be their teacher. I'll still get to see them whenever I visit, but I suppose it won't really be the same.

Either way, I'm so lucky to have gotten to have been a part of their lives. Also, unknowingly, the kids have helped me get over my #1 fear. Some part of me had feared having children because of the chance of having a child with a mental or physical disability. I feared my ability to love him/her, because it seemed extra challenging and less rewarding. But having worked with such children, I can see how it really doesn't matter. They are so lovable in their own ways that other "typical" children cannot be. They share their joy, excitement, and pain just as openly, rather even more so. And with that, I was able to love them enough to know that my fear was nothing to worry about.

I don't write nearly often enough so every entry is like a 5 paragraph essay... but one more thing!

After work today, my co-workers/friends had a huge surprise for me. I had seen it coming because they kept on referring something without actually saying the thing, you know, like "do you want me to leave IT there?", "What do you want me to do with um.. it" and I even caught one person quickly hiding IT. But still I didn't expect it to be nearly so great~ everyone put together a photo album with all the pictures of the kids + teachers (those I knew, b/c they made me pose with the kids) AND they framed an art-piece done by one of the students that I've been coveting. It felt like it was my birthday~ so great~

*"Elephant" ... glued by Basiu.

a moment of emo

2009-05-30T20:09:00.000-07:00

As I was cleaning my bathroom tonight, I thought to myself, "I just cleaned my bathroom for an hour on a Friday night. Should I be sad about this?"

While people are out being jolly eating, chillin, camping, etc, I am at home a week from moving out from Cville scrubbing tiles with a toothbrush. Not that this is a bad thing, I feel good having things cleaned but I guess I was expecting to be meeting up with people and making new memories. It's also extra sad because my faithful roommate and wife left yesterday for Boston. It's a funny feeling, realizing that things and people go on whether or not you are present for it. It's quite humbling, actually.

Starting tomorrow, I'm going to make the most of my time left here! No more wallowing in self-pity mode. Don't be surprised if you get a random phone call from me ;)

offically summer!

2009-05-24T21:49:00.000-07:00

Today, I saw a firefly. And as everyone knows firefly=summer. So happy summer, everyone! Whew~ good thing those fireflies were out, otherwise I would have been so lost! err... yes.

So here's the update about summer missions. As of last week, the four of us who are going to be in Korea this summer didn't have officially have a place to leave for the coming two months of summer. JM was still waiting on the homes to take us in and house us. This was a shocker for me since 1) I already bought my plane ticket and no going back now and 2) how could they not have space for two volunteers? But I forget, that this is an orphanage and I'm sure it's brimming to it's limit with the number of kids living in the place. I hope that us being there won't deter them from taking in more children or the children having enough space to sleep. How much more can a person selfish? just looking out for myself... ugh~ sometimes it's disgusting. Good thing, Jesus is all forgiving, amen! Anyway, a couple of days ago we got an email telling us that we have the green light and two homes have opened up their doors and are willing to take us in. PRaise the Lord!

So, the place I will be staying is called Namsan Children's Home. I don't know the location but it's in Seoul. I'll have a partner and we'll be living there together with the kids. When I think about this fact and that this will start happening a 3 weeks, my heartbeat races. So cool. How lucky am I?!

The only sad thing is that mean I'll have to leave Charlottesville soon. Leaving this community of trust and love, however imperfect it may be at times, and jumping into the unknown...it's gonna be tough. I'm gonna miss always having someone to talk to.. there aren't too many places that you pull anyone aside and have a deep and meaningful conversation with. And today, I realized what it's gonna mean to leave KCC ministry behind. Their high, giggle-filled voices belting out songs in praise of God...it's like leaving behind glimpses of heaven. And as I was listening to them in worship, tears of thankfulness and sadness dripped down my face. Thankful for being given the opportunity to experience such joy. Sad for having to leave it behind. But it's ok because in heaven it's we're gonna be together praising God every day forever! These moments are trailers to the real deal, to remind us that there's more~

green eggs and ham

2009-05-06T17:38:00.000-07:00

One of the kids I work with really seems to enjoy Dr.Seuss' Green Eggs and Ham. So the other day, not only did I get to read him the story Green Eggs and Ham for the gazillioneth time but got to watch the animation Green Eggs and Ham soon after.

I'm sure you all know the story but just as a quick recap...
Here's 'Sam I Am' trying his might to persuade this old grouchy seuss dude to try a sliver of green eggs and ham. Sam carries around the green breakfast platter all through the story; here and there, in the house, with the mouse, in a box, with fox, in the tree, in the car, in the rain, on the train... and on and on.

Honestly, if I were Sam I probably would have stopped at "in the house." I mean, really, it wasn't helping Sam any for the other guy to have eaten the dish. The pursuit was solely based on his desire to share something delicious with someone else, right? Then it suddenly hit me...how come we don't do more of that? We offer a bite, a ride, a quick word only out of obligation or to meet formalities but how often do we really mean it and when we do, how far are we willing to push through? Up to "in the house" like me? or perhaps up to "in a tree" which is, in some ways, pushing the limits of social etiquette. But if we have something so delicious, so wonderful in our hands that we know will only add to one's life, why shouldn't we keep on offering it? Otherwise, wouldn't it be selfish of us not to just for the sake of our comfort?

After all, when the grouchy figure finally gives in to Sam's "pestering" (his reason being to appease Sam so that he would be left in peace), the guy absolutely loves it! The rest of the story tells of how he will always eat those delectable green eggs and ham anywhere and everywhere! As the story came to a close with the final lines spoken by the grouchy-turned-happy dude being "Thank you, thank you, Sam I Am", I was left there wondering... will I ever be like Sam?

rooms in Heaven

2009-05-05T19:33:00.000-07:00

for the past day and a half, I've been feeling a bit sick. But the blessing of being sick is that you don't feel bad for doing things that primarily involves sitting. There's this one book I've been really looking forward to reading. It's called Visions Beyond the Veil by H.A. Baker. It's about how the Holy Spirit starts moving in this orphange in China and the little boys there start to prophesize and see visions of heaven. I've only started reading it but it's amazing the things that are told in this book and the miracles that was performed. I wanted to share one exerpt with you:

Our Heavenly Rooms
On either side of the beautiful golden streets were buildings side by side, a room for each person, every room opening onto the street. On the door and about the front were precious jewels so resplendently brilliant that the building shone with light and glory. The name of each occupant was about the door. Angels led the children into the rooms. Within all the rooms were the same kinds of furnishings: a beautiful golden table upon which was a Bible, a flower vase, a pen, and a book; by the table was a golden chair; there was also a wonderful golden chest and a golden bed. In each room was a jeweled crown, a golden harp, and a trumpet. The walls were gold. From each Bible, made of such paper as had never been seen on earth and was bound with gold and light, such brilliant glory shone forth that the whole room needed no other light. The visitors (the orphanage children) were told that when they came to stay after death they could go out into paradise and pick any flowers of their choice to place in the beautiful vase on the golden table.

So apparently, we get our own rooms in heaven! Fancy that~

sweepstakes

2009-05-05T19:18:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, when a few of us went to NOVA for the promised Eat Fest we didn't have much to do during the times we weren't eating. So we decided to go the #1 loitering place.. Tyson's Square Mall!

At the mall, we decided to check out Brookstone. It a really great store if you have time to burn and like to fidget with things. The three of us ended up "test-driving" the tempurpedic beds and at the end the salesman gaves us all little scratch-off tickets to enter online in hopes of winning a car, bags of money, etc.

The little card looked pretty legit so I came home to check it out. Perhaps, I thought, I'll win some money and I can use it to pay off my plane ticket to Korea. The card told me to scratch off the little box of numbers and then enter it into the website written. So I go to the website and this is what it was : http://www.experienceltandwin.com

Super amateur. Somewhat shady. And the best of all, no place to enter a code! what the heck?! So if you happen to discover any box to enter my numbers, please let me know~ maybe I will share the profit with you ;)

Nova Eat Fest

2009-05-02T20:58:00.000-07:00

just got back from our trip to nova (northern va). We left cville at 10:40am and returned at 11:00pm. Purpose of the trip? Eat something delicious every hour. Chris, Cecilia and I have been planning this trip since last month when Chris almost convinced us to go to nova following a wed prayer meeting (which ended at 11pm) to go eat a meal and then come back. Cecil and I appeased him by promising an Eat Fest in the near future. And today was the day! and I've gotta say... we did pretty well despite not eating very hour but next time we'll be better :)

12:30pm - lighthouse tofu
1:30 - shilla bakery for greentea bingsoo and a box of babyshoo puffs
digest walking around TJ school grounds and tysons mall
4:30 - cinnabon
5:30 - sul-lung tang (beef stew) + boosam (steamed pork wrap)
7:00 - iceberry with mochi

Too bad all of us forgot to bring our cameras! otherwise, this post would be full of scrumptious pictures!!!

Did we plan where we were going to eat prior to leaving? hahaha! nope. it was all "freeflow"
except for lighthouse tofu place.. we all wanted to go there beforehand but yea.. "freeflow." That word was the word of the day and we used it everywhere we went.

"yo? what are we gonna do after lunch?"
"freeflow!!"

"ugh! what is this we're eating?"
"just eat it! freeflow!"

So after eating lunch, we decided we needed some exercise to digest all that we ate and instead of looking for a park or something we decided to visit TJ school of science and engineering, Chris' highschool. Chris said he would show us around school and although i was skeptical of it being open on a saturday afternoon, we went anyway.. not that we had anything else to do, right? So we're approaching the school door and all of a sudden without notice, this asian man pops out of the side door and starts intensely interrogating us about our intention for being there. It went something like this:

Asian man : "WHAT DO YOU NEED? WHAT DO YOU NEED? YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSE TO BE HERE. SCHOOL IS CLOSED. WHAT DO YOU NEED? WHAT DO YOU NEED?"

Chris: "uh.. nothing, nothing..."

Asian man: "YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSE TO BE HERE. SCHOOL IS CLOSED."

Chris: "ok"
(we walk back, man stares at us)

It was a very intense moment and we couldn't get over how he just popped out. so instead of seeing the inside of the school, we walked around the entire buiding and got in our car. kinda felt like rebellious highschooler or something. It gave us a good laugh although I hope that that man wasn't too mad... I can just imagine him shaking his head as we left..."stupid kids."

I only have 4 more weekends left until I leave for Korea and then come back to start grad school. I want to use every one of them as fully as possible. And today was perfect mix of relaxing and fun, lots of laughs and trying to fool ourselves that the what we were gorging on were all mainly air and then eating more of it :) I'm completely full~

fears

2009-04-27T19:08:00.000-07:00

I had mentioned before that I feel a bit scared about how this mission trip will go. At the moment, though, I couldn't pin-point why that was.

I took a walk today. I've never really taken walks before. I've jogged for exercise, I've sped walked to class but never have I really "taken a walk" on my own for its own sake. And know what? It's very nice. It gave me time to reflect on things and think through my day. Kinda like a live journal to God.

On my walk, I got to figure out what was bothering me about this missions. Last year, when we went to Tuba City, AZ to help out with the VBS there I experienced a lot of negative thoughts about the team and myself. I was flat out angry at people and I couldn't reconcile the reasons why specifically. Although I was very blessed in the end, in some ways I think all that junk in me hindered my ability to serve and pour out to the kids who we were there for. I'm afraid that something like that might happen again where I'm so preoccupied with how I feel that I won't be able to experience His joy fully. And I really don't want to mess this summer up. In my mind, I know that what I do/not do will not determine the outcome. Only what God wants for me to experience, right? Ahhhhhh... why am I worrying about this?!

The beginning of summer missions 2009!

2009-04-26T20:09:00.000-07:00

Guess what?! I'm going to Korea! To live with the kids in the children's home for 2 months! how awesome and how frightening is that? I haven't found out about what home I'll be placed yet nor who my partner will be, but all is set. I even bought my plane ticket. So cool story...

The first time I tried to look into roundtrip tickets to Korea.. it was a hefty 1700! That's probably more than my whole year's rent. Then people advised me to look around. And can I tell you, I love travel agencies! You just call them and tell them what dates you want to leave/return and they just do all the research for you and usually offer you a much better price! And the best part is... they do it for free! I love travel agencies. If you need one let me know, I called like 10 of them, muhahahhaah~ So I ended up getting tickets for like 500 less! PRAAISSEEE the Lawd! Apparently, to get it for that price is "dirt cheap" said John-Michael (the person in charge of the missions). 1200 = dirt cheap (me = dry laughter).

So prayer, even a very small one, works. I felt that I hadn't nearly prayed enough but God truly provides. He's very generous that way. So logically, I should be praying for everything all the time. And that is what I hope to be doing leading up to the trip and onward. Jesus help me to pray! seriously.

foreword

2009-04-23T19:54:00.000-07:00

so only one day after the conversation of how blogging is such a waste of time/energy and "why would you want to show your journal for everyone to see?!", I decided to blog. haha. perhaps I'm a conformist, or am I a rebel (?) or maybe I consider myself more diligent than I really am. meh~ upon reflection, once I leave this place that has become my home in all aspects, I still hope to maintain relationships that have been grounded here. relationships are all about communication, right? usually, I'm the one where the communication link ends, so i hope this will challenge me to share my life more often and, in doing so, make me curious about others. i hope i don't become a blalker (blog stalker).
but don't expect anything super personal, for that you're gonna have to put in some effort and ask me yourself :)