midterm week.. once again

what is it about test week that makes one want to do everything else but study? For instance, instead of studying for my phonological disorders (sounds cool right?) midterm I want to sing and dance to the song "Giver of life." I don't know what it is about that song that makes me want to jump off my chair singing at the top of my lungs and do the Carlton dance.

so here's the plan

I am going to do a massive update and I thought the best way to do that is to just start from where I left off which was like a month ago. I have learned and felt so much that to not share would be taking from God's glory. Plus, I've been getting a few comments of how I stopped writing and such from people... hehehe. Ok so here goes~

7/31/09

I've been realizing that it's not the unfamiliar and "outside of my bubble" experiences that God tests us most through. When things are strange and we don't know what's going on, don't we tend to depend on Him more? "God, help me!" "I need you!" are common prayers that God often answers. Having been at the home for a little more than month has already dulled that sense of newness and vulnerability. I am starting to lose my patience a lot faster and show it more openly with my partner and some of the kids. All because I am losing my desperation for God. Yesterday, I went around trying to get group pictures of all the kids at the home. Elisabeth and I wanted surprise them by framing the picture and writing a note on them before we left. So out of good intentions I went to go take pictures. The first group I approached was middle/high school boys. Most of the kids were reluctant but willing in various degree but there was this one kid who was so absorbed in watching anime with some older hyungs that he refused to take it. So in the end, I threatened that unless he came I would just get in their way the whole time (which probably wasn't the best strategy). So basically I forced him to take a picture and it totally showed in the picture! Then he started to ignore and talk smack. Dude! so frustrating! it's just a picture!

Then that night, the baby cried and cried and I couldn't figure it out. Then after like 30 mins of crying he started to gag then throw up first on my shoulder, then on my pants, then on my foot. And to top it off, he had pooped a butt load in his diaper. With his dorm mom not being around (all the teachers were running about getting ready for the camp), I washed him and changed him with him crying the whole time. So right when I was carrying him and he was calming down a little, his dorm mom rushes in and takes him from me saying to the baby "I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have left you..." which made me feel as if I wasn't doing a very good job. All I could do at this point was go up to my room with reeking clothes and get ready for bed.

Arghh!! what a horrendous day! I complained to my partner all that. But honestly, did I expect every day to go my way, all fun and affection and everyone liking me? Ok, well I kinda had hoped but I don't know why it bothered me so much that it wasn't especially today. I felt as if I had been there for many many months and I felt so exhausted. So this is what feeling familar does to you... make you get snappy quicker. Lord, more than when all this was new, increase the love you have for your people in me. Help me to be dripping with your love, Jesus!

8/01/09
Today is the first day of camp. Camp at NamSan Children's home is basically 5 days and 5 nights of eating, playing, living outdoors in these tarp gazebo things. No one is technically allowed to come back indoors because it's suppose to be like we've all gone somewhere far away to go camping or something. So all the kids pack their bags with undies and a few change of clothes and the teachers bring out bundles and bundles of blankets for the kids to use when sleeping outdoors under mosquito nettings. With the 5 days of camp comes the realization that those 5 days are going to be precious time of being soaked with the kids and staff. 24/7, no personal space, no personal time just camp.

The kids are super excited though that we will be staying for camp. They keep on asking, "Are you staying for camp? really? (hug)" and even the older boys have come up to us asking us the same thing minus the hug. I think to them Camp is their version of a family vacation and that we will be joining them makes us kinda like family too. I'm really looking forward to it but as of yet, I feel lost and in the way of preparation. Also, my eyes are opening to the fact that I am still an outsider despite the 2 months here. I can't expect to be embraced and loved by all, although I try hard to be :) But in the end, it's not about how much they like me, right?

8/07/09
Camp ended two days ago. It was a blur of games, programs, eating, cleaning, getting rained on, swimming, laughing, sleeping on hard tiles, getting thrown in the pool, and unforgettable memories... I'll post pictures on facebook with comments :)

But through camp, I was able to experience more of the kids and spend time with kids who I couldn't have been with before. The last night, prior to being thrown into the pool, we took pictures... kinda like farewell pics b/c I would be leaving in a few days. I told them I would be back but many of the kids seemed skeptical and said how everyone just says that. But after many bouts of persuading them I will truly be back, they seemed to believe me. Honestly, I don't know when I will be able to keep that promise but I am asking God that He send me back sooner rather than later. I miss these kids so much even as they are in front of me laughing and joking around.

And today is my last day at the home. I regreat the the day was spent in such hustle and bustle- running last minute errands and packing-- that I didn't get to see much of the kids. Last night though was a good time of saying bye with Elisabeth to all the kids. We went around to each room and gave a group photo with personal notes written on it. The kids really liked it and actually every room was missing such a group picture so it worked out well. One of the older kids surprised the two of us by giving us a goodbye present, a really nice watch! Mine was purple and Elisabeth's pink with flashy faux diamonds all around.. haha~ the thought and affection behind it blew me away the most. I never would have thought to get something like that for them yet they would for us.. amazing.

I feel like, in the end, more than me having loved the kids here, I have been loved by them. They always have looked at me with smiles and affectionate nods. I'm going to miss them to no end. How I wish God would call me into this ministry, but I feel that He's planning something else for me when I return to the states. Funny story: One of the 3rd grade boys named Kyung-Min and I were doing dishes during Camp. He wasn't very efficient but still helpful. So we got to talking and he asked me "Why do you have to go back to America?" I carefully told him that I have some things to take of when I get back. And after pausing and thinking a bit he said, "If you don't do it, will you die?" HAHAHAHA... well.. I guess I wouldn't die but it made an impression on me and I seriously considerd staying in Korea a bit longer.

So during my very final moments, with your help, I was able to surprise the home with gift. After buying my plane tickets and subtracting tithe and living expenses, I still had ~$350 in my fund. I wanted to donate it to the home, but for what, I prayed. The best way for the money to get to everyone in the home was, I thought, food. Through the 2 months I've been here, the kids often don't get to go out to eat unless it's through a sponsered event or in little groups. There is rarely any money left over for the home to spend on extravagence as eating out. So I donated the money to the director specifying that I wanted them to eat out with it.. honestly it wasn't much to offer for 60+ people to eat out but somehow he negotiated with a restuarant and made it work. And coincidentally, that day the lady who usually cooks for the home couldn't make it and the other teachers were in a dilemna as to feed everyone dinner so 30 minutes after I gave the money and we took final pictures, off they went to eat donkatsu and korean jjigae. Thank you all for your generosity! You have been such a blessing to me and the kids! They were so excited and couldn't stop asking, "Really? we're eating out!??" and all were grinning ear to ear even the oldest of the kids. heh. thank you~

soon to be updated!

This is just a quick note that I have not abandoned my blog only neglected it for some time. I will be returning with updates of how the last few weeks in Korea were as well as how things have been now that I am back (and yes, I am back). My apologies for keeping you all in the dark. But to sum it up, my time in Korea was so amazing and SUCH a blessing! Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord!

soccer camp, pool, and other things

So after many weeks of neglecting the blog and trying to use every minute as fulfilling as possible, I got sick!The fact that I was in wet clothes at the pool for 2 hours being cold then going right back out not to return for another 6 hours probably didn't help either. So last night, I had a fever and sore throat which still continues at this very moment. But after getting like 10 hrs of sleep off and on and eating well, I feel much better. I had been planning to go out and wander the city a bit today but ah well, I suppose it's God's way of letting me know that I need rest. Plus now I can write a ridiculously long entry without feeling like I need to be elsewhere :)

So here are some things that have been going on in no particular order.

This past Mon-Wed was the annunal Jerusalem Ministry's Soccer Camp for the boys at various homes. Some of the things that we had been praying for were that the boys got a boost in self-confidence as out there and also be unified because we were putting them in teams with kids that they didn't know. We had also been praying for good weather especially since it's mansoon season in Korea and the rain can be really unpredictable and long lasting. Last year, it rained before and after the soccer camp but not during. This year, we got 3 days of sunny weather, one of the sunniest I've ever seen here. All for His glory! There were some rocky moments with a few kids and during such moments I was reminded that I should have been praying more. We had 6 kids from my home go and they had to split up into 4 teams but I was so proud of how they did their best (most of the time) nevertheless. The kids are well disciplined here so when they go out, they tend not to be rowdy and more reserved. My babies! On the last day, the kids all went to the swimming park nearby and had tons of fun dunking me in the water. You can imagine how tired they were on our hour long subway ride home :)

Our kids all decked out in their soccer gear on our way to the soccer camp

The Blue Sharks! That was the name of our team. We ended up gettting third place :)

at the pool afterwards. we all had to wear caps or couldn't go in the pool... so redunkulous looking

i finally escaped from the boys' grasp. so tired~

our way back home after 3 days of soccer camp and the pool. the kid sleeping wouldn't wake up when it was time to get off, so we almost had to drag him out.

Then on Friday of the same week, our home decided to take the kids to the swimming park as well. We were there from 10-4 and it started raining/windy in the middle. I was cold and tried to get the kids out of the water but they insisted through blue lips and chattering teeth that they weren't cold at all, haha. We ended the day with piping-hot ramen noodles, which I was super thankful for.

I can't believe it's almost already time to leave this place. It's been a very long but short (?) time here at NamSan home and I feel like already we've grown accustomed to each other. Today a few of the older boys came up to me saying "Are you still sick?" which doesn't seem much but meant a lot to me. The younger kids all made it a point to come up to me asking a variety of things as I was sitting outside watching them play .."let's play battminton," "maerong," and my personal favorite "why do you keep on looking at me, am I that good looking?" These kids are so eager to get your attention sometimes but then aren't we all?

Honestly, I've been slacking on my prayer/QT time with God these days. I know how faithful He is when we ask yet I haven't been asking. Especially with only 2 more weeks or so left here, I really should be on my knees interceding for the staff and kids. But it's a relief to know that people back home are interceding for them as well and I don't have to be bear the weight alone~

some random pictures.

in their double files going to school.

during the 4/5th grade english class.

getting her hair cut from the hair-cutter volunteer.


cute kids.

ladies and gentlemen~

it's hard to know who is reading the random things I post up. it's helpful for me to keep track of all that's going on but still i wonder, what if im posting pictures and ranting about stuff to no one. so I have a petty favor, for those who are reading this, give me a hollar via comment. It'd be nice to know. thanks! stay tuned for updates from soccer camp and pool outing~

pictures!

Me and the dorm mom whose dorm we live in.
She was very surprised at the immense flash of the camera.

At the tea house we went to with a few of the dorm moms.
It was very scenic, as if we were in the way back when times of Korea.
Caveat: one cup of tea = $6


A narrow residential alley way. You don't get to see much of this anymore in Seoul.


Our girls posing at the movie theater after watching Transformer 2.
They thought it was soooo good. meh.


Our youngest with their dorm mom.


The boys (not looking) at the movies.


Sungjin trying very hard to blow ballons that I got for them at the dollar store.
It was really cheap and they burst that very day. Ok, I'll stop being a cheapo.


My older cousin getting interviewed at a restuarant we went for lunch. Apparently they wanted to feature the place for being a good-tasting place in Seoul. haha.. they told us to watch for the show on TV. too bad I don't get cable.


Me eating "western food." Pasta, soup, salad is seen as gourmet food here and my cousin treated me out specially. After we finished eating they gave each of us a flower.


The older boys warming up before the soccer tournament.


A few of us eating the leftover meat after the soccer tournament. The boys were hogging the meat tables so we went for the scrapes.


Us playing Halli Galli. So intense.



Jin wearing a rubber glove on her head.


During "English Time" when we play games or watch movies in English.


Playing a relay game during English Time.


During the preK/K english class. We play with playdoh as you can see.

worlds apart

Our home is situated behind to very prominent schools. Ironically, both schools are known for being very rich. It's quite a sight every morning as moms and dads in lexus, bmw, benz and the highest class of korean sedans pull while we walk our kids to their school which is about 2 blocks away. (Quick socioeconmics of Korea: Most people do not own cars here, and, I believe, to own one is a sign of being pretty well off. But if you were to drive a foreign car, and on top of that a luxury line, that usually means that you are of the highest class-- CEOs, politicans, etc) Teachers wearing white gloves and high heels open shiny doors with its shiny handle and greet the children who are decked out in their elementary school uniform- green shorts, yellow shirt, matching yellow cap. Obviously, the children in our home isn't especially fond of these kids and usually gives them a quick side glance before briskly walking away.

The thing that always gets me though is that if you were to take a child from that super rich school and take one of our kids and place them side by side, there would be very little difference. I've seen a few of these kids coming out of those nice cars and shoo! our kids are cuter, quicker and I bet smarter than a lot of them! Ok, there's some biases in there but still~ no difference. Yet, one child gets everything that they can hope for and the other, doesn't even have a parent to dress them in the morning and give them a hug goodbye. So unfair.

I actually got to hear some of the stories of the older girls with whom we are living. They were having a lot of fun telling me their past, laughing at how ridiculous they must have seemed and comparing how close of a call it was during when x,y,z. Although it seems a bit weird and sadistic to be laughing in such situation, it's really that or to cry. I am sometimes amazed at how much laughter and playfulness these kids have at times. One minute a child will be crying for her dad and then they see kids outside running around and laughing and she will laugh along too! I just hope that the laughter isn't just a cover up for something much darker but that the laughter is just a reverberation of the true joy that is inside.

How can these kids have joy, someone may ask? I am learning that God especially is near those who are poor and fatherless and His heart breaks more of these than any other. In that way, He will pour out more to them than to us who are well loved on earth. Because if you think about it, how else would someone be able to experience love if they don't have anything but their broken bodies and broken hearts? God mends those bodies and hearts as a means to show love to them.

Here's a bit of one of the girls' story.

She was placed in this home when she was 6 years old (5 in American age). Before then she was placed in two other homes. Before then she was living with an alcholic father and a neglient mother. Her father would regularly beat her upon returning home from drinking. Her mother seems to be out of the picture most of the time. Multiple times, she was left behind in a public place but each time she ended up running into a relative who took her back home. The last night at her home she was witnessing her mother getting severly beaten by her father when she all of a sudden remembered her grandfather's number which he had only told her once before. She said it just surfaced in her mind and she immediately went over to the neighbors and dialed it. After her grandfather came and saw the situation, he took her away and was placed in a home. She now thinks that God was helping her through all of those situations especially the last one.

In such way, I believe that God will show his love and soverignity in all of these kids' lives. Our God uses the weak to mock the strong and the wise. I am expecting great miracles to happen here and healing to take place. And I want to made poor so that I too may experience the glory of God.

For those who haven't seen it yet, you need to watch this documentary about the powerful works that God is doing in the world. It's called "Finger of God" and it's on Youtube. In the middle of it I just had to stop and go to my room and cry out to God in praise. So amazing how great our God is and we don't even know it yet! Watch it and let me know what you think!

Ok, this update is getting to be like a 5 page essay sorry for those at work/class but one last thing. We offically started staff prayer this Monday! PTL! The first meet was a bit awkward b/c only one person showed up and she happened to be the only non-Christian who had signed up to come. But the next few times have been not as awkward. I hope to bring in some powerful prayer and in the end see powerful results. Perhaps I am coming off as one of those people in the Bible who asked for a sign and Jesus rebukes them by saying "you wicked and adulterous generation!" but I am not saying this out of doubt. More like, to see more of his kingdom?

Thanks for your prayers, all! It's working!