fears

I had mentioned before that I feel a bit scared about how this mission trip will go. At the moment, though, I couldn't pin-point why that was.

I took a walk today. I've never really taken walks before. I've jogged for exercise, I've sped walked to class but never have I really "taken a walk" on my own for its own sake. And know what? It's very nice. It gave me time to reflect on things and think through my day. Kinda like a live journal to God.

On my walk, I got to figure out what was bothering me about this missions. Last year, when we went to Tuba City, AZ to help out with the VBS there I experienced a lot of negative thoughts about the team and myself. I was flat out angry at people and I couldn't reconcile the reasons why specifically. Although I was very blessed in the end, in some ways I think all that junk in me hindered my ability to serve and pour out to the kids who we were there for. I'm afraid that something like that might happen again where I'm so preoccupied with how I feel that I won't be able to experience His joy fully. And I really don't want to mess this summer up. In my mind, I know that what I do/not do will not determine the outcome. Only what God wants for me to experience, right? Ahhhhhh... why am I worrying about this?!